FOR CHANGE: As our tribute to you, we are not going to be shamed into keeping quiet and holding ourselves responsible for the violence we endure.’ Students register their protest in Guntur, Andhra Pradesh. Photo: T. Vijaya Kumar
You have given us the courage to say: Enough, no more silence.
I heard you fought to protect yourself. I heard that your fight back
caused them to get more violent and brutalise you further. I heard you
never gave up. I heard you said you wanted to live.
As I write this I clench my thighs together because the torture you were
subjected to could have happened to any woman. I am so sorry that our
worst fear became your reality. You didn’t live but you have brought so
many of us to life — apathetic bystanders of all kinds have begun to
care and participate. Your presence in this world has changed all our
lives forever. Yet, I am left with a sense of loss and pain that you
were sacrificed at this altar so our complacent spirits could be
resurrected. At 23, I am sure you had other dreams. Maybe you wanted to
be remembered for what you did of your own free will rather than what
was done to you. Maybe you just wanted to live simply, laugh with your
male friends, wander with your girlfriends, watch TV with your family,
become a medical professional who served all people regardless of how
they valued women. At 23, you have come to symbolise our struggle — the
collective and individual desperation we all feel. In my small way, I
want to honour you by writing about breaking the silence.
Silence = Death. This slogan was used by holocaust victims, the gay
community adopted it and now we, Indian women like you, have to embrace
this message. Enough. No more silence. Rape is death and let no one tell
us differently. It kills a way of life. It often kills a spirit. You
did not let them murder yours and all of us stood in solidarity with
you. Women all over this country have risen and shouted out. Some men
have joined the chorus, and now we have found a collective energy. We
cannot lose this momentum, this commitment, this chance at another life.
You have given a voice to those of us who feel our screams like yours
in that bus have never been heard. We are the ones who have stayed in
homes where we are beaten and raped by men who either gave birth to us
or ones we married. We are the women who have been molested in front of a
whole crowd and found not one who would bear witness. We are the ones
whose teachers have taught us life lessons by betraying our trust.
My horror
As our tribute to you, we are not going to be shamed into keeping quiet
and holding ourselves responsible for the violence we endure. I must
break my silence before I ask others to do the same.
I was 15 years old and walking with two male friends in the lane behind
my house when I was attacked by seven men. Other than with a trusted few
I have spoken about it only once — at a gathering hundreds of miles
from where it occurred. After 25 years, you have given me the courage to
bring this home and say it out loud here. It was 9:30 at night and we
wanted to take a break from studying for the board exams. I had a bounce
in my step, I threw back my head as I laughed, I felt at home in my
body. Maybe that is what evoked their rage. It was not desire. It was an
act of aggression. Their words were mean, their actions terrifying. I
was very lucky that their ring leader lost his balance as he rammed his
bicycle into my abdomen for the second time. It created an opening that
let me flee. The split second break in that menacing circle saved my
life. I wish your bus door had swung open too. I know you would have
been saved from this savagery and you would have lived.
Family’s support
Your father may have been like mine. He believed in your right to be
equal. He sold his land in order to educate you in a culture that only
approves of land being sold for a son’s future or a daughter’s dowry.
Mine too broke tradition by insisting I not stay silent and take back my
power. He and my grandfather put me between them and took me out that
very night looking for the perpetrators. They insisted I take this
action so that I would not be afraid to walk the streets I grew up in.
We never found them. I am like hundreds of women who have endured this
and far worse. We have all fought our internal battles and some brave
ones have taken bolder steps. Because of the men in my life who
supported and celebrated me, I did not walk away feeling less than. I
want every woman to live in the company of such men. Sadly, many do not.
However privileged and emancipated I may feel, I am also well aware of
my vulnerability — a vulnerability that makes us different from men. We
live out that vulnerability every day and are constantly told to protect
ourselves — stay out of harm’s way. I see that logic when we are taught
to avoid playing with fire. How do we avoid sharing our world with men?
How is it that they don’t get the message that their unwanted attention
burns? Who is telling them that there are no excuses. None of it is
acceptable — not the leering on the streets or the unsavoury office
banter, not the pinching on the bus or the groping at protest rallies.
It always starts in a “small” way and only escalates when the
perpetrator sees his actions endorsed or excused.
As a culture we are still preaching to our girls not to push the
boundaries and protecting our boys when they overstep them — we give
them a pass for making a pass. It creates a type of entitlement that is
so deeply ingrained that what they cannot get they destroy. I am tired
of hearing that if we as women circumscribe our lives further, kill our
individuality more, suppress our natural desires, stop believing in the
right to live as we choose and stay locked up, we will be safe.
Imprisoning us isn’t the answer and is no longer possible. Women like
you are the change that Gandhiji spoke of and this fight for
independence is causing men to find beastly forms of suppression.
The entire nation is mourning your loss — a woman we did not know. Your
power is far greater than what those men expected it to be. May your
passing bring with it a change that sweeps across this country and makes
it a place where other women like you can ride buses and make it home
alive.
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